Thanksgiving

Next week is Thanksgiving and I have been thinking what I am thankful for.  I am thankful for my children, grandchildren, significant other, sister, nieces, nephews and all other family members near and far.  I am thankful for my health and mostly sound mind.  I am thankful for my home, the food on my table and the other comforts of daily life which I have been blessed to come by easily,  not like many people nowadays.  I am thankful for my friends, some of which I have been blessed with since childhood and others that have come and gone briefly in my life showing support and friendship as it was needed during different phases of my life. 

As for my daughter Denise, I am not thankful she got a brain tumor and passed away, but I am thankful I was blessed with her in my life.  I am thankful for all the wonderful memories I have of her.  How she loved her Reeses Peanut Butter cups and anything else chocolate. How she would order a sandwich in a restaurant, dissect it removing excess meat or anything else she didn't like in it.  How she would order a chocolate milkshake for breakfast.  How she always bought her jeans too small and would leave them unbuttoned until she went out, but would never admit she needed a bigger size.  How she bought lottery tickets and would forget to check them for months.  How she always had a way of making me laugh no matter what the situation.  Not a day goes by without a memory of her.

I was recently told a story about Denise at her sons football game, she was at every one.   She was watching him play and cheering him on from the stands.  On one particular play when he stopped an opponent and his team scored Denise was jumping up and down and yelling, "Home run, Home run".  Not long after that game he bought her a book called  "Football for Dummies".  I am thankful for memories shared by others.

I am thankful for having the ability to establish the Denise's People Foundation and to be able to raise awareness and funds to hopefully bring about the end of  Brain Cancer.  I am thankful for all the people who help or support this cause.  I am thankful for all the survivors or people with tumors and their families that I have had the honor to meet.  I am thankful to the special doctors and other people I have met in the medical field who are doing everything they can to assist me in my endeavor.  Mostly I am thankful for my daughter Denise for without her inspiration this foundation would not have been created.

God gives us each a gift of life to cherish from our birth.  He gives us friends and those we love to share our days on earth.  He watches us with loving care and takes us by the hand.  He blesses us with countless joys and guides the lives we've planned.
Then when our work on earth is done, He calls us to His side.  To live with Him in happiness where peace and love abide.
Our thoughts are ever with you though you have passed away.  And those who love you dearly are thinking of you today.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

The Story Ends

If you have been following along or knew Denise you already know how this story ends. Denise was diagnosed with a Brain Tumor in December of 2005. This totally changed her life in many ways. Now began the numerous doctor appointments, the tests and finding the correct medications and treatments. Over the next almost 5 years she endured the radiation, chemo, constant needle injections, consumption of numerous medications morning, afternoon and night always with the hope of stopping the tumor. The radiation shrunk it for a few years but when it started growing again there was no stopping it. As it grew it slowly took away her ability to remember, write, read, walk and talk. Denise passed away one year ago today.

I have given you a brief summary of Denise's life to try to show you who she was. To me she was my precious child but she was also many things to many people. Her beautiful smile and infectious personality attracted people to her. But now on the anniversary of her passing it is time I let her rest in peace. A day will not pass when I won't think of her and miss her. I can not bring her back but hopefully I can make what she had to endure mean something with my Denise's People Foundation. Hopefully because of her I can help find a cause and cure for Brain tumors.  I know this is something she wanted to achieve.

God gives us each a gift of life to cherish from our birth.
He gives us friends and those we love to share our days on earth.
He watches us with loving care and takes up by the hand.
He blesses us with countless joys and guides the lives we've planned.
Then when our work on earth is done, He calls us to his side.
To live with Him in happiness where peace and love abide.
Our thoughts are ever with you, though you have passed away,
And those who loved you dearly, are thinking of you today.

 You fought a courageous battle and I am very proud of you.
I will love you and miss you every day of my life.
Rest in peace my beautiful Sweety DeeDee.

A Mature Woman

After graduation Denise went to work at Kaufmann's where she met her future husband.  Denise was married on a record breaking winter day.  I must be getting senile as I don't remember whether it was January or February,  I think it was February.  It was so cold the day of the wedding that some guests couldn't attend because they couldn't get their cars to start.  Regardless of the weather the wedding was a success with a most beautiful bride.

This was a time of change in Denise's life.  Besides settling into married life and making a home she also changed jobs and was now working for a bank.  Her life was busy and full and would be even more so very soon, Denise was going to have a baby.

Her son arrived in June with another son born five years later.  Motherhood was something she took great pride and joy in.  She doted on her boys and she would do and did do anything she could for them.  Most of her time when not at work she spent with them.  Evenings she would sit and play games with them or help them with their homework.  Summer weekends were spent at camp where she would go fishing, boating, swimming and in the evening sit around the campfire with them and friends.  As they got older you would find her in the stands routing them on for various sports they participated in .  But she was much more than just a pal to the boys, she was a responsible parent.  She taught them the traits on how to grow up to be good human beings which they both learned quite well. 

As the years went by, Denise continued working for the bank.  This was a job she truly enjoyed and through many mergers she stayed on and worked her way up the ladder of success to become an Officer of the Bank.  She became very close to many of the people that she worked with and they seemed to love her too. 

Although her children and her job were constant and rewarding her marriage was not.  Problems had developed that could not be resolved and a separation and divorce were in the works.  She moved out and rented an apartment for her and the boys and a year later bought a house.  It seems she had just settled into this new life when her world came crashing down.  (to be continued)

High School Years

No longer an awkward pre-teen, Denise is now in High School.  She has grown into a beautiful young lady and although she is not exceptionally tall she has been blessed with long legs which made it difficult whenever she went to buy jeans or pants.  A complaint I heard quite often when shopping with her. 

No longer imitating singers, she has now developed a love for dancing and boy can she dance.  It seems she has a natural talent.  No matter what the dance she always mastered it in no time.  I loved to watch her do the Robot.   I remember when the two of us  decided to take a line dancing class together and although I always added an extra step, she had no problem.  After the first lesson, the instructor asked her how long she had been line dancing and was very surprised to find out this was the first time as she was so good.

As soon as she was old enough she started looking for a job after school for some spending money.  She found a job at a little Greek restaurant and talked us into trying different dishes.  She also worked for IBM for awhile as a typist.  She went thru High School with top grades and received an award for her typing skill and speed upon graduation. 

Denise had a personality that always made her the life of a party.  She had a way of making the simplest statement or gesture into something funny.  I wasn't there but I'm sure she was not only the most beautiful girl at the prom but also the most fun.  (to be continued)

The Pre-teen Years

Spring to me signifies birth and summer signifies growth. Denise is in her summer years and is growing and maturing. Her face has lost the baby features and she is now in her pre-teen years. One thing that has not changed is her beautiful smile, which will become a trademark of hers as you can't remember her and not that smile.

She still enjoys camping, being with friends and playing school. She also loves to sing along with records and tries to impersonate the singer. She loved doing Cher and the song "Gypsy, Tramps and Thieves" was her favorite song to impersonate.  Her father thought she was fantastic and would ask her to do it over and over again.  I thought it was just cute and was not ready to sign her up with a recording agent as I'm sure he would have if given the chance.

During those years we took a trip to California to spent time with family that lived there. We went to Disneyland, Universal Studios, drove through Beverly Hills, went to the beach and did all the typical tourist things. We drove to San Francisco via way of route 1 or Big Sur Highway which is a very narrow winding road with high cliffs. At one point we stopped to see the scenery and although her sister went to the edge of the cliff making me very nervous, Denise did not and would not. Denise was afraid of heights and remained so the rest of her life, which meant no roller coasters for her.

Denise was easy going but she was also gullible and naive at times. She would mis-interpret things said sometimes and then laugh it off when she learned the real meaning. Sometimes I wondered if this was because she was embarrassed or really thought it funny.

Have you noticed that in all the enclosed pictures she is wearing red?  I guess you think it was her favorite color, but no it was mine and I loved how she looked in it.   To be honest I don't know what her favorite color was but when she got older she seemed to favor browns, blacks, fall colors and pink.

(to be continued)

A Mother's Prayer

Help me Lord!  I miss my daughter and want her back!   Help me understand, why her?  Help me to understand why she had to get a brain tumor.  Help me understand  why  it couldn't be cured?  If it is a mothers job to care and protect their children help me understand why you didn't give me the ability to help her.  Help me understand how to fill this terrible void her absence has left in my life, although I can't imagine anyone or anything taking her place.  Help me to think of her everyday without crying.  Help me Lord to see her smile and hear her voice if only in my dreams.  Help me to remember all the memories of the years You blessed me with her presence.  Help ease the pain in my heart and help me to dwell on the fact that she is now happy, healthy and at peace in your kingdom.  Amen

I found this poem and I read it every day hoping I can follow it.  Some days it helps and some it doesn't.

She is Gone.....You can shed tears that she is gone, or you can smile because she lived.  You can close your eyes and pray that she will come back, or you  can open your eyes and see all that she has left.  Your heart can be empty because you can't see her, Or you can be full of the love that you shared.  You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday, or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.  You can remember her memory and only that she is gone, or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.  You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back, or you can do what she would want: smile, open your eyes , love and go on...

I love you Baby Girl and always will.

A Baby No More

One, two, three, four, five, one by one the years go flying by.  They say time flies when your having fun.  I must of been having fun.  To be honest with you, I was having fun.  The years when all my children were small and still at home were the happiest time of my life.  One by one they were all growing up and heading off to school, it was now Denise's turn.  She was no longer a baby.  As a matter of fact she was no longer the baby of the family either as a couple of months before her 5th birthday a new baby brother entered the world. 

Denise loved to talk, so much so her Pap Pap nicknamed her Gabby.  No longer does she stutter but has developed a speech impediment where she substitutes a W for an R.   A conversation with her would go something like this, "I am going up to my woom to wead a book."  or  "A squiwwel cwossed the stweet and almost got hit by a caw."  To this day we still call a squirrel a squiwwel and when she was still here she would laugh along with us. 

 Off she goes to school and the speech problem will become a thing of the past due to a couple years of speech class. Denise was an excellent student and was very well behaved in school.  She always displayed enthusiasm and interest in all of her subjects and had a smile for everyone around her.   I don't remember ever getting any kind of negative report about her.  In fact, all reports were always positive and complimentary and her grades were always A's. Her love of school followed her home and she spent many hours playing school and imitating her favorite teacher.

I think mother's cry on the first day a child starts school because they know it's the first step toward their chick leaving the nest.

Denise made friends easy but spent most of her time with a few neighbor girls and her sister and brothers.  She was a typical little girl playing with dolls, watching cartoons, playing with the dog and doing other things little girls do.  She was a healthy child with a pleasant deposition and could entertain herself if need be.  Don't get me wrong she also knew how to get into a squabble with her siblings or her friends, but none of it was ever anything serious. 

Her enthusiastic personality and her infectious smile made such a impression that a teacher and an old school mate which hadn't seen her in years saw her obituary and took the time to pay their condolences. (to be continued)

Vacations

Summertime and the living is easy, so they say.  People are either leaving or coming back from vacation, I just came back.  Every year we go to my daughters house on the beach.  Relaxing time, doing the things folks do at the beach.  Walking along the sand finding shells, the best treasure an unbroken conch shell. Watching for dolphins and following them down the shore. The waves splashing against your legs as you walk, jumping back when an unexpected large one soaks more than your legs.  Swimming in the pool when you would rather avoid the salt water or it is too windy on the beach.  Slathering on the sun tan lotion so you don't burn, heaven forbid you can't go home without a tan.  Cruising the shops in town looking for the perfect souvenir or gift for someone at home.  These are the things we do every summer, but this year it wasn't the same.  You see, Denise has been going with us for quite a few years and I felt her absence constantly.  I would look up from in the pool and visualize her sunbathing in her lounge chair, something she loved to do.  She always got a perfect tan without even trying.  She didn't go in the pool much but would watch everyone, crack jokes and make everyone laugh.  How somber the pool was this year. 
She would always walk the beach with me and we would have some of our best conversations, although last year she didn't because she didn't have the strength to walk any distance for very long.  The conversations and memories of our walks were with me on the beach this year and my desire to find shells vanished.
Everything I did and everywhere I went brought memories of her to mind, even what she would order for dinner.  But the hardest part of this vacation was in the evening sitting on the deck watching the ocean.  Remembering sitting there with Denise last year and how quiet and sad she became.  I asked her what was wrong  and with her limited vocabulary she told me how scared she was and that she didn't want to die. She knew what was coming! But it wasn't until we got home that the doctor told her the tumor was growing again and we were out of options.  Less than 3 months later she was gone.  Oh Lord, I miss her!
I cut my vacation short this year and returned home a couple days early.  I know I should count my blessing and be glad I had so many vacations with her but for now I just feel her absence.  Maybe next year will be better.

Thank You for being one of Denise's People

Camping

As a mother you can't wait for your child to be born, or at least that was the way I felt.  Before the birth of my first child, I would sleep with a pair of plastic pants under my pillow so I could smell the scent of the baby powder.  For all you youngsters, plastic pants was what you put over top of cloth diapers to keep bedding, clothes and etc dry.  they have gone the way of the dinosaur, now extinct.  It seems like forever until your baby arrives and then in no time they are no longer infants.  Everyday getting a little more independent and developing their very own personality. 

Denise was a happy child and enjoyed playing with  her sister and brother.  As a family we would go on camping trips in the summer to Lake Erie.  We would go fishing, swimming and boating.  We would cook over an open fire and sleep in a tent.  We would bathe in the lake and go to the bathroom in an outhouse.  I always had a fear of one of the children falling in going to the bathroom, but thankfully that was never to be. 

 Denise loved being in the sun and she seemed to tan naturally.   She loved riding the waves in the motor boat, playing in the sand and looking for shells.  The whole camping experience was a treat for her and her love for it would follow her through the rest of her life.  (to be continued)

Because of brain tumors people can not always do the things they most enjoy.  Depending on where the tumor is, it can effect a persons ability to walk, talk, speak, eat, think and other senses.  The medication needed to control the tumor or seizures effect how things taste, exposure to sunlight and a persons energy level.  Quality of life can be effected slightly or greatly.  Awareness is the first step to finding a cure for brain cancer.  Please pass the word and hopefully more people will eventually be able to do what they enjoy the most.

Birth

It all began on December 25th, 1964, a baby girl was born.  What do you name a baby girl born on Christmas morning?  Mary, Christine, Noel were all options, but no she was named Denise Ann.  What a pretty little girl she was, only 7 pounds but with chubby checks and big brown eyes.  How special to be born on Christmas!  Here was a new life with a long promising future in front of her.  I couldn't wait to get her home to meet her sister and brother.  There was only 14 months between her and her brother.  Because her brother had been born premature, his development had been slowed and it was almost like having twins.
They both learned to crawl and walk at the same time.  Whenever Denise came to a crack in the sidewalk she would get down and crawl over it.  This was due to being knocked over by another child.  At this young age, Denise was very timid.  If she did something wrong you only had to look at her and she would start to cry.   Her brother stuttered and so she did too.  When they had a conversation everyone would stand and shake their heads as only they knew what they were saying.  Over the years they developed a very special bond and I think this is when it started.  (to be continued)

Now here I am 46 years later with another new beginning, the birth of  Denise's People Foundation.  A foundation to raise awareness and funds for brain cancer research.   It is now in it's infancy, but unlike my daughter I am hoping it doesn't need a long future.  I am hoping that it will not take long for doctors to find the cause and cure of Brain Cancer.

Thank You for being one of Denise" People

An Act of Love

There is a poem that goes:  In a little county cemetery, just a few short miles away, we laid a precious loved one, my daughter who passed away.  That is where my Denise lies, not so far away and I go to visit with her quite often.  I talk to her about everything and anything, but mostly I cry.  I tell her about my gardens and I cry, I tell her about how her boys, her brothers and sister and the rest of the family are doing and I cry.  I tell her about her dog Sandy and I cry. I tell her how much I miss her and wish she were here to talk to in person and I cry.  She was not just my daughter but also my best friend.  A day doesn't  go by when something happens and I want to call her to share just as we did when she was alive.  How long does it take before the tears shut off?  I have a feeling never! 

 I told her about the walk and how successful it was, but I bet she already knew.  From the day that I started to organize the event it was uncanny how suddenly people contacted me in one way or another to offer help or give advise.  I'm not talking about people I know but total strangers.  It was as if  an invisible force was helping me.  I was told organizing the walk would be a lot of work, but it never seemed that way.  An act of love never feels like work.  I did the event for the love of my daughter and to make what she went through mean something.  I also did it to help fulfill her dream to help find a cure.  I did it so other mother's won't sit in a cemetery and cry like me.  I will continue to organize events until somehow I pray her dream to end brain cancer will come true.

Thank you for being one of Denise's People.

The First Annual Walk

The first Annual Walk to End Brain Cancer is now a memory.  I woke up Sunday at 5:30 A.M., got dressed, checked to see if I hadn't forgotten anything and off we went to the park.  It was a beautiful sunny day, something we hadn't seen much of lately.  We had to be there early to get everything set up.  When we pulled in my son and granddaughter was already there.  As I walked over to the pavilion my granddaughter said, "Granny, why do you have on  two different shoes?"  Looking down I saw I did have two very different sneakers on.  Denise was quite a prankster and loved a good joke so I am sure she had something to do with this situation, maybe letting me know she was present.  If that was the case I have no problem with the shoes, maybe I will make it a fashion statement for future walks.  Everything was in order when people started to arrive and began to sign in or register.  Before I knew it it was 9:00, everyone had been welcomed, Dr. Okada had spoken to the crowd and the horn was blown to start the walk.  Dr. Leiberman arrived late, so when everyone returned he took the microphone and spoke a few words .  It was now time for the balloon release, each balloon representing a hope and a prayer for a cure for brain cancer.

Organizing this walk was quite a learning experience for me.  Some of the most important things it taught me is how generous, supportive and caring people are.  We had so much fruit and baked goods donated we had people making bags and taking it home.  Anything left we took to the homeless shelter.   When word of the walk got out I had people contacting me wanting to help in anyway they could.  I had people who either had or has a brain tumor contacting me and telling me how glad they were something was finally being done in our state to help raise awareness and funds.  My goal for the first year was $500 and we raised $5850.   I would say the walk was a great success, wouldn't you?  This was only achieved with the help of everyone who supported us in anyway.   To all of those people I have wonderful news.  I found out today the money we raised is enough to fund the supplies needed for one patient to participate in a new vaccine clinical study.   WE MAY HAVE JUST SAVED SOMEONES LIFE.   Maybe next year we can increase that number to two.

Dr. Leiberman and Dr. Okada both said in their remarks what a special person Denise was.  If it wasn't for her this walk probably would not have happened.   I would say that makes her very special indeed!

Thank you for being one of Denise's People. 

Merry Month of May

There is an old song that goes, "In the merry, merry month of May".  What makes May so merry?  Could it be the weather? No, not possible this year as it has rained just about every day.  Could it be because Mother's Day falls in May? No, not possible for me this year.  Mother's Day is a day to honor your mother, but I have two grandson's who couldn't do that this year.  Thinking of them and missing Denise broke my heart.  She always sent me two cards, one serious and one to make me laugh, but they were missing from my mailbox this year. Maybe it is the graduation, communion and confirmation parties that occur this month, but with Denise missing they were not so merry either.

But wait, the month isn't over yet and I know I will be merry on Sunday the 29th.  It is the first annual walk to end brain tumors being held in Denise's honor.  Organizing this event has given me the opportunity to meet some very wonderful people.  I have been contacted by people diagnosed with brain tumors and going through what Denise did.  I have spoken with people who have been diagnosed, had surgery and are now survivors.  Over 80 people have registered to walk so far, others have donated.  Many have offered advise, services, products or to assist in any way possible. All of these people are thrilled we are having this walk and bringing about awareness and raising funds to find a cure.  With so much support how could I not be merry. 

Denise wanted to help find a cure for Brain Cancer and I bet she will will leading the pack when the walk begins.

If you still would like to register go to http:walktoendbraincancer.org

Thank you for being one of Denise's People.

If Only

"If only", how many times have you used that phrase? Just yesterday I was thinking, if only it wasn't so wet I could cut the grass.  If only I was taller, I could reach whatever without a stool.  If only I had blue eyes, I love blue eyes.  If only I could win the lottery, what I couldn't do for my children.  If only I had planted more bulbs in the fall, my daffodil garden would be so much fuller.  I could go on and on and I bet you could make quite a list too. 
Denise had quite a few if only's too.  The big one was if only I didn't have this tumor.  If only I didn't have to take so many pills every day.  If only I didn't forget so much.  If only I could read my writing. If only what I want to say would come out of my mouth right.  If only I didn't lose my balance.  If only I didn't feel so sad.  If only I could get better. 

 Some if only's we have the ability to change like planting more bulbs, but some we can't like getting taller.  I can't tell you how many times I have said, "If only my Denise had not died." but she did and no matter how I wish otherwise it cannot be changed.  But her passing has created new if only's.  Now I say "If only I could help other people like Denise.  If only a cure could be found.  If only people would become aware of how brain cancer is increasing.  If only I could help raise funds so doctors can find a cure."  Maybe someday I can make my daughter's if only's come true,  if only you would all help.


Thank You for being one of Denise's People.

Easter

Well it's almost Easter, the first without my baby girl.  Okay so she was 45. she was and still is my Baby Girl or Sweety DD.  Denise was the true chocoholic.  If it was made of or had chocolate in it you could bet she would eat it.  Chocolate Chip cookies, Brownies, DQ Chocolate Fudge Blizzards and most of all Reese Peanut Butter Cups were her favorites.  I would keep boxes of Peanut Butter Cups hidden in the freezer for her and she would check for them every time she came to visit.  I guess because chocolate was her favorite food she always gave it up for lent.  Needless to say she was always anxious for Easter and would indulge in her chocolate with a happy grin on her face (no one has a smile quite like her).  Not just Easter but every holiday I made sure she had some type of chocolate dessert.
How I'll miss her coming in the door on Sunday.  She always brought me tulips or Lilies although she knew it wasn't necessary.  I would plant them in the yard after Easter and still have some coming up each year.  This year I'll turn the tables and buy her some Lilies or Tulips and on Easter morning I will take them to the cemetery and tell her how much she is loved and missed.  Then I will go home and enjoy Easter dinner with my sons, daughter and grandchildren that I have been blessed with and try to ignore the ache in my heart for my  baby girl that is missing.

Don't forget about the walk to end brain tumors this May 29th.  Go to www.walktoendbraintumors.org to to register or just to donate.   You can also check to see if a walk is planned for your state.

Thank you for being one of Denise's People

Regrets

Today is 6 months since my daughter passed and I still miss her so much.  I relive those last few months over and over and have so many question about so many things.  The last few weeks Denise was unable to carry a conversation.  How I missed having talks with her and still do today.   I wanted to know if she knew what was happening to her and how she felt.   I know she was frustrated with everyone helping her, you could see this in her eyes.  Denise was very particular about her home and was always trying to straighten pictures or cushions or whatever.  The problem was the tumor was now taking away her ability to walk on her own.  If she was not being watched she would attempt to do these things on her own which usually ended in a fall.  One day she had a very bad fall and I yelled at her for getting up without my help.  I was immediately sorry I yelled and explained to her that I couldn't stand to see her get hurt.  The fall resulted in some very bad bruises to her abdomen and I could see it also scared her.  I regret to this day yelling at her and hope she knows it was only because I was scared for her.  I wish I could have talked to her about what was happening to her but I always told her everything would be fine.  Maybe putting death into words would have made it too real and I didn't want to accept that.  I know she didn't want to die, but I pray God and his angels helped her accept the inevitable.
Please remember May is Brain Tumor awareness month.  Go to http://walktoendbraincancer.org/ and register to walk in your area. 
Thank you for being one of Denises People.

Frustration

Almost 2 weeks since my surgery and my new knee in on the mend.  I was hoping during the operation while I was unconscious I would see my Denise, but no such luck.  In many ways I feel I have been walking lightly in her shoes.  I have been lying in her place on the couch, enduring numerous shots and keeping my mediation close so I don't forget to take it. But most of all I have been feeling her frustration.  I have always been a very active and independent person and Denise was the same.  If something needs done we need to do it and do it now.  How frustrating it is when your body wouldn't let you.  I know within weeks with the help of physical therapy my knee will be back to normal, but that is not the case with a brain tumor.  When Denise started losing her balance it didn't get better, neither did her speech or her short term memory.  She would get very frustrated when her legs wouldn't hold her or when what she wanted to say in her head wouldn't come out of her mouth.  I would try to reassure her that everything would be okay, but that was not to be.  How do you tell someone that normal everyday abilities we all take for granted like talking and walking are disappearing forever.

By the end of May my knee will be back to normal and I will be walking in the Walk to end Brain Tumors.  On May 29th all of  Denise's People will be my daughters legs and voices helping to bring about awareness and helping to find a cure for this horrible cancer.  I wouldn't be a bit surprised if she isn't marching along with us in spirit.

Thank you for being one Denise's People.

Pain

Next Monday morning I go into the hospital to have a total knee replacement.  I am very apprehensive and miss not having Denise here to discuss this with.  After listening she would probably have made some kind of  joke about it and we would both have ended up laughing.  Once when visiting her father in the hospital after a heart attack she observed the oxygen gadget on his finger and lifting and pointing his finger upward,  she smiled and said, "ET phone home."  This immediately made her father laugh and a scary and serious situation was lightened for the moment.  No one could have an illness or injury that Denise couldn't make a joke about while still being compassionate.  This was one of her many wonderful ways.

I think of the pain I am going to have to endure after my surgery.   Denise endured so much pain for all those years with  needles constantly being stuck in her until her veins were collapsing and she  had to have surgery to place a port in her chest.  The vaccination shots she had every week that left sore lumps in her arms when she was participating in the clinical trial study.  Being fitted for a mask to hold her head steady while she went thru radiation.  Having her brain probed to biopsy the tumor.  How dare I complain of pain, she never did.   My pain will gradually subside and I will be fine, but Denise endured everything that came her way and she still lost the battle.

Too many children and adults are going thru exactly what Denise did and should be able to recover.  We  need to find out what is causing this horrible cancer and put an end to it, please help our cause.

Thank you for being one of Denise's People.

Spring

Another day, another week, another month, time marches on even though I wish I could turn back time and still have my daughter Denise here.  Soon it will be spring, the time of the year that we both looked forward to.  The first warm sunny day and I would be out in the yard raking up the winter debris and checking to see what may have started to sprout thru the newly thawed ground.  After completion of my task and sitting down with a cup of coffee I would grab the phone and call Denise.  "Guess what I was doing all day?" I would ask, and after telling her she would say, "Get out!, that's what I was doing."  This was a common occurrence as we always seemed to be saying or doing the same thing at the same time.  It got to the point when we informed each other of what we had been doing the response became "Of course you did."  They say great minds think alike, but I think you could skip the great part and just say we seemed to be on the same wave length.
                                                                                                                                                                                                   
 My love of gardening was also one of her favorite things.  A couple of months before her passing she was sitting in the yard and decided she wanted to weed her flower garden.  The tumor at this point was affecting her balance and ability to walk without assistance, so with the help of her sister she scooted on her bottom along the lawn and happily did her weeding.  As I work in my garden this year she will be on my mind and even though she is not with me physically hopefully she will be there spiritually smiling with approval.

Spring is a time of awakening and growth.  It is the time of year when the flowers start pushing thru the ground, the grass turns green, the trees become lush with blossoms and the Robin returns to build its nest.  It is a time of life.   Please help to pass on the awareness of Brain Cancer so that the cause and cure for Brain Cancer can be found and people like my Denise will be alive to enjoy this wonderful time of the year.

Thank You for being one of Denise's People.

Memories

Now I lay me down to sleep, but sleep won't come.  My daughter Denise will be gone 5 months this week and after saying my prayers I have a little conversation with her and say good night, then my brain goes on rewind or fast forward.   I start remembering how jubilant we felt after her radiation treatments were done and the MRI came back showing the tumor had shrunk 20%.  For three years all the MRI's came back no change.  Why couldn't it have stayed that way?  After that the tell tale signs, memory loss, inability to write or understand what she had written, loss of balance were some of the ways we knew the next MRI was not going to be good and she rapidly began to lose the battle.

Then I go on fast forward thinking up events and campaigns to bring about awareness and finding a cure and believe me my mind is going full speed ahead.  Our first event is Memorial Day weekend, what a perfect time to remember loved ones.

We are joining the National Grey Ribbon Crusade Walk by co-ordinating a walk in Pennsylvania.   To sign up go to http://walktoendbraintumors.org/   If you do not live in Pennsylvania check the link for a walk in your area.

Our race is scheduled for May 29th in North Park. We will start our 5k at Harmar Pavilion at 9:oo a.m (come early to register.  The price is $25 per person which will include a tee shirt.  A fun time will be had by all.  Come out and support a loved one, a friend or neighbor.

Thanks for being one of Denise's People.

Taking a walk

What a week!  I am so excited.  ever since Denise passed I have been determined to make a difference to help bring about awareness and hopefully find a cure for Brain Tumors.  This week I was informed of an opportunity to do just that.  I learned May is Brain Tumor awareness month.  I also found out about the Grey Ribbon Crusade which holds a nationwide walkathon in May, recruiting interested volunteers to organize these walks in their state.  Hurrah! a chance to help and help I will.   Denise didn't call attention to her condition but  she walked and helped to organize fund raisers for other types of cancer.  How proud she would have been to be part of something like this. 
The place and time has already been established and I am working out the final details with the help of some wonderful people.  May is such a beautiful time of year for a walk. Stayed tuned for all the exciting details.

Thank You for being one of Denise's People and please don't be afraid to comment about what you have read or something you have experienced.

Positive thinking

Needless to say when Denise was diagnosed with the Brain Tumor we were all very scared and worried, which are natural reactions after hearing the words brain tumor and cancer.   The first Neurology doctor who saw her, told her he would treat the seizures (which were the electical empulses she felt going down her left side), and would watch the tumor to see if it changed.  This didn't sound right to Denise and she decided to get a second opinion.  Thru a friend she was informed of Hillman Cancer Center and Dr. Lieberman.  After meeting with Dr. Leiberman she was told that doing nothing was not the right option and radiation to treat and hopefully shrink the tumor was suggested.  After several weeks of radiation the tumor had shrunk about 20%.   Life was good, she was on her way to getting better or so I thought.  I never for once during that time or for the next 4 years thought that I would lose her.  During those years when she would get down (which she did quite often but tried to conceal it),  I would always tell her to think positive because I was positive she would get better.  So much for positive thinking when it must of been wishful thinking.
Until she was diagnosed, I didn't know anything about brain cancer or even remember hearing anything about it.  Now I am constantly hearing of someone who has it or someone who just died from it.  The increase in cases is definitely apparent and people have to be aware.  We must find out what is causing it and find a cure to stop so many people from dying from it.  We need to make wishful thinking into positive thinking.
We are working on some fund raising events and I will share them with you as they develop.
Thank You for being one of Denise's People.

Did you Know?

Did you know that from 1980 to 2000, there was an increase of nearly 50% in the estimated number of new cases of Malignant Brain/Center Nervous System tumors in the United States.?   Every day an estimated 575 people are diagnosed with a brain tumor.  You may have one of those people in your family, a close friend, neighbor or someone you work with.
There are no known causes of brain tumors at this time, although studies are going on.  Funding and awareness of this cancer is significantly lower than for any other type of cancer.   The goal of Denise's People to help raise awareness and raise funds to hopefully find the cause and the cure.  Let's give a purpose to the death of our loved ones so we can prevent so many more.

In the coming weeks and months I will post different fund raising events and campaigns we are planning.  Maybe you will want to join in or donate or maybe you may want to offer some suggestions.   Even if you just follow along and tell someone about what you read you will be spreading awareness. 

Thank You for being one of Denise's People. 

Who and What are Denise's People.

To know what Denise's People is about, you first must meet Denise.

Denise was my daughter, a mother to her two son's, a sister, a loyal friend to many and a conscientious and dedicated employee at the bank where she worked.  She had a smile that would light up a room and quite often was the life of the party.  But many people including close friends were unaware that beneath that smile was a very scared young woman. In December of 2005 Denise awoke with numbness on her right side followed by an electrical pulse down the same side.  After examination at the hospital she was told she had a brain tumor.  She couldn't understand how this could happen to a 40 year old healthy woman.  This was the beginning of a long and courageous 5 year battle including radiation, chemotherapy and a participant in a clinical study.  Denise told me when she started the clinical study, "I am going to be a pioneer and help find the cure for Brain Cancer", but it didn't work for her.  Even though she was scared and sad on the inside she always had a smile for all the employees at Hillman Cancer Center.  When she came thru the door they would say, "Denise is here", and she would spread her arms and reply, "Yes, me and all my people", which was usually her sister and me.  Thus the title Denise's People.  Denise passed away October 13, 2010, approximately 6 weeks before her 46th birthday on Christmas day.

Denise' People is a campaign to raise awareness of brain cancer and funds for research to hopefully find a cure.  Let's help my Denise get her wish and find a cure.  Won't you be one of Denise's People?