Sunday, August 28, 2011

The Pre-teen Years

Spring to me signifies birth and summer signifies growth. Denise is in her summer years and is growing and maturing. Her face has lost the baby features and she is now in her pre-teen years. One thing that has not changed is her beautiful smile, which will become a trademark of hers as you can't remember her and not that smile.

She still enjoys camping, being with friends and playing school. She also loves to sing along with records and tries to impersonate the singer. She loved doing Cher and the song "Gypsy, Tramps and Thieves" was her favorite song to impersonate.  Her father thought she was fantastic and would ask her to do it over and over again.  I thought it was just cute and was not ready to sign her up with a recording agent as I'm sure he would have if given the chance.

During those years we took a trip to California to spent time with family that lived there. We went to Disneyland, Universal Studios, drove through Beverly Hills, went to the beach and did all the typical tourist things. We drove to San Francisco via way of route 1 or Big Sur Highway which is a very narrow winding road with high cliffs. At one point we stopped to see the scenery and although her sister went to the edge of the cliff making me very nervous, Denise did not and would not. Denise was afraid of heights and remained so the rest of her life, which meant no roller coasters for her.

Denise was easy going but she was also gullible and naive at times. She would mis-interpret things said sometimes and then laugh it off when she learned the real meaning. Sometimes I wondered if this was because she was embarrassed or really thought it funny.

Have you noticed that in all the enclosed pictures she is wearing red?  I guess you think it was her favorite color, but no it was mine and I loved how she looked in it.   To be honest I don't know what her favorite color was but when she got older she seemed to favor browns, blacks, fall colors and pink.
(to be continued)



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Sunday, August 7, 2011

A Mother's Prayer

Help me Lord!  I miss my daughter and want her back!   Help me understand, why her?  Help me to understand why she had to get a brain tumor.  Help me understand  why  it couldn't be cured?  If it is a mothers job to care and protect their children help me understand why you didn't give me the ability to help her.  Help me understand how to fill this terrible void her absence has left in my life, although I can't imagine anyone or anything taking her place.  Help me to think of her everyday without crying.  Help me Lord to see her smile and hear her voice if only in my dreams.  Help me to remember all the memories of the years You blessed me with her presence.  Help ease the pain in my heart and help me to dwell on the fact that she is now happy, healthy and at peace in your kingdom.  Amen

I found this poem and I read it every day hoping I can follow it.  Some days it helps and some it doesn't.

She is Gone.....You can shed tears that she is gone, or you can smile because she lived.  You can close your eyes and pray that she will come back, or you  can open your eyes and see all that she has left.  Your heart can be empty because you can't see her, Or you can be full of the love that you shared.  You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday, or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.  You can remember her memory and only that she is gone, or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.  You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back, or you can do what she would want: smile, open your eyes , love and go on...

I love you Baby Girl and always will.